Teen Dating Violence

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• Dating violence is a pattern of controlling, abusive, and/or aggressive behavior in a dating relationship
• Anyone can be involved in an abusive dating relationship
• Dating relationships can be abusive even if there is no hitting. Know abuse can be verbal, emotional, sexual, or physical
• Verbal – calls you names, insults or criticizes you, gets angry very quickly, and threatens to hurt you, someone you know, or themselves
• Emotional – acts possessive, jealousy, controlling, tells you what to wear, keeps you from friends or activities, calls you frequently to find out where you are or who you are with, refuses to accept that the relationship is over, forces you to compromise your beliefs
• Sexual – any unwanted touching or kissing, forcing you to have sex, or not letting you use birth control
• Physical – shoves, throws things at you, intimidating you by blocking doors, shoving, slapping, hitting, painful grabbing or pinching, pulling your hair, and strangling you. In some relationships the abuse only happens occasionally while in others in can happen every day.

Is Your Relationship Healthy?

Check to see whether the following twelve qualities exist in your relationship:

1. Mutual Respect
   Respect means that each person values who the other is and understands the other person's boundaries.
2. Trust
   Without trust, there is no way to have a healthy relationship. Choose to trust in each other and give each other the benefit of the doubt.
3. Honesty
   If you have ever caught your friend or dating partner in a huge lie, you know that it takes time to rebuild your trust in him or her. Always be honest. It builds trust and strengthens the relationship.
4. Compromise
   You won't always get your way. Acknowledge different points of view and be willing to give and take. It is a bad sign when the relationship becomes a power struggle.
5. Individuality
   You shouldn't compromise who you are, and your identity should not be based on your boyfriend or girlfriend. Continue seeing your friends or doing the things that you love. Be supportive if your boyfriend or girlfriend wants to pursue new hobbies or make new friends.
6. Good Communication
   Speak honestly and openly to avoid miscommunication. If you need to sort out your feelings first, your boyfriend or girlfriend should respect your wishes and wait until you're ready to talk.
7. Anger Control
   We all get angry, but how we express it can affect our relationships with others. Anger can be handled in healthy ways such as taking a deep breath, counting to 10, or talking it out.
8. Problem Solving
   You can learn to solve problems and identify new solutions by breaking a problem into small parts or by talking through the situation.
9. Fighting Fair
   Everyone will argue at some point, but those who are fair, stick to the subject, and avoid insults are more likely to come up with a possible solution. Take a short break if the discussion gets too heated.
10. Understanding
    Take a minute to understand what others might be feeling - put yourself in their shoes. It can improve your communication skills, too.
11. Self-Confidence
    Having confidence in yourself can help your relationships with others. It shows that you are calm and comfortable enough to allow others to express their opinions without forcing your opinions on others to win an argument.
12. Being a Role Model
    By modeling what respect means, you will inspire your boyfriend or girlfriend, your friends, and your family to model respect, too. Take every opportunity to give respect.