i am here to facilitate a discussion of sexual assault
this is not what i do for a living i hold no degree in any of the social sciences yes, i am a man no, i’m not sure what that means, either
and like many of you i worry about giving the wrong impression this is a difficult topic but i believe that rape is not inevitable
the crazy stranger in the bushes accounts for a minority of incidences survivors are mostly acquainted with attackers
the predatory relative the nice guy who has a hard time hearing no the abusive partners of every gender, race and orientation
it is not an act of sex nor a matter of miscommunication it is a planned exertion of power
exploiting trust, confusion and silence, relying on society’s inclination to discredit victims of explicit crimes
what were they wearing? what were they doing that late at night? how could they have put themselves in that situation?
truthfully, it’s an understandable reaction if the mistake was theirs, then the world is fair we want to believe that it could not happen to us
but it does: one in four, one in seven, one in thirty-three, nine out of ten times rapists identify as straight males
statistics are not my expertise i just recognize a threat when i see it i can not let this remain a touchy subject
there are boys taught consent is women’s fault there are places where forcible intercourse is a military maneuver
i am here because i believe there is a difference between risk reduction and prevention
everyone takes precautions clutches cellphones on the subway avoids specific colors of clothing on certain streets
it solves nothing personal awareness is important but it does not address the source of violence
drunk driving used to be something we were warned to watch out for stay off the roads at night, after holidays
later, the issue was reframed friends didnt let friends, and it was effective less people were endangered, no one stopped drinking
it just wasn’t an excuse it became an individual obligation to stop violators from operating
each of us can intervene in any way we are comfortable but someone you know will almost definitely be affected and it is not funny that is unacceptable
all a perpetrator needs is a target no one believes should’ve known, had it coming, naive
there are dozens of ways to shift blame none of them excuse the one person responsible nobody asks for this, lost control is not an explanation
it is the effect, whether or not she goes silent or fights, whether or not he can call it assault or explain to his friends
this is not a women’s issue: men, this is one war you will not be glorified for waging we can end it
